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Rude Facebook Responses
I frequent my Boardgamegeek Facebook page as often as I frequent the local brothel. Wait. That’s not what I meant. I frequent my local Boardgamegeek Facebook page as often as I frequent public hangings. That feels more accurate. Anyways, I am always tickled pink by the constant support I see among gamers. 90% of responses to BGG FB posts are helpy helpertons helping each other. It brings a smile to my face.
But then there are those OTHER responses. The ones that serve no purpose. The arrogant one-upping, smackdowns that could have been left untyped. Sh*t like “If you ended Caverna with that score then you deserve a waterboarding.” What makes it even worse is these people often leave no followup on how to help! If someone claims they ended Viticulture with a score of 120 or -3, I would suspect a rule or six were missed. But I wouldn’t sh*t stomp their confidence. And that is exactly the type of FB post responses I’m about to yell about. If you ever find yourself roaming BGG’s FB page, and one of these responses creeps to the edge of your fingertips, I would advise you to just sit on your hands.
Insulting the Question
If someone posts “What did I just punch?” and you respond “I hate these kinds of posts” then I know what I’d like to punch. Nuts. Your nuts. The whole package. Why did you type that? What was the point? A cobra would have asked you to be more sympathetic. This is a FB group where you have the incredible God-like ability to SCROLL PAST the comment and return to 4Chan. The poster is asking the FB group to play a game. A game in a FB group literally dedicated to gamers. Why over-salt this little treat?
Refusing to Compare Two Games
A while ago, someone posted “What is the difference between Eclipse and Arcs?” I smiled at the question – but I didn’t go for the jugular. I didn’t type “Please drink mercury.” The poster clearly saw a picture of Arcs and thought “Ain’t no way that space combat game is based on Hearts.” Though the question is silly, that’s ALL it is – the poster asked a silly question they did not know was so easily answered. How were they supposed to know that Arcs is the perfect war game for their granny’s Bridge cohort? And how were they supposed to deduce that Eclipse is Twilight Imperium with space-time continuum issues? Just be polite and say “One involves trick-taking and one refuses to explain how I created a donut in deep space.”
Saying the Poster Played Incorrectly
As someone who would take a bullet for vanilla Terraforming Mars, I should probably see a therapist about that. What was I saying? Oh, right. Diversity. So you know how you won Terraforming Mars with a score of 170 and then a FB poster won a game with a score of 63? That’s like a thing that can happen. So don’t comment with “only an Epstien defender would end with that score.” They are probably just new to the game and have no honest position on the New York Financier. Games often play out differently when your brain isn’t there offering advice based on Tharsis Republic PTSD. I’ve lost with 40 points – I’ve lost with 120. And every rule was followed … well, maybe not during that 40 point game. Those 8 beers went fast … Anyways! The point is! Oftentimes it ain’t hard to do a little detective work and find out which rules they messed up. So ask a few questions, give a few suggestions, and double check to make sure they didn’t finish a 12-pack.
Dehumanizing Someone for Not Mentioning the Name of the Game
The three biggest crimes you can commit in the board gaming community are:
- Mass Murder
- Mass Murder but like only 4 people
- Forgetting to add the name of a game in your post
- Human Trafficking
Now, due to alzheimers and my worsening alzheimers, I sometimes miss cultural upheavals. The phrase “Black and blue or white and gold” became a social protracted siege before I knew a shot was fired. In board gaming, I totally missed that it was completely acceptable to lop-off someone’s cherries when they post pictures of a game without its name. Isn’t A.I. running the world now? Can’t you just enter the picture into Skynet’s database to find out the answer? The T-1000 ain’t looking for you. Just responding with “can we get the game’s name” seems, to me, like the only 6 words you need to type instead of “Include the name or be decapitated.” The first time I forgot to include the name in my pictures, SWAT kicked open my front door yelling “WHAT DID YOU KICKSTART?” Be kind and just alert them of your curiosity.
When the Responder Isn't the Target Audience
If the poster is asking for game suggestions for their 6-year-old daughter, and you have 4 felonies pending, maybe you shouldn’t respond with your hatred toward Candyland. The BGG facebook page is full of gamers who have been in the same confusing situation as a poster may find themself in now. Want a war game that’s fast? I guarantee others out there have found it. Looking for a quick deck-builder? Oh you know this page will have answers! Hate Terraforming Mars like the cheap wh*r* you are and want a different space game? Well an army of decrepit monkey-brained idiots are waiting to suggest Last Light as the Miller Lite supplement it is! As you can tell, I am not the person to answer that last one. And maybe you shouldn’t either if the hill you’re dying on was created by Deimos smashing the 8 leaves I was going to win with! What was I talking about? Oh right! Just be kind to the poster and keep your moons to yourself.
